- I'm real excited to return home (after almost 6 months, probably my 2nd longest stretch from SJ)
- I'm nervous about state testing for my students (and the corresponding results)
- I'm haunted by the knowledge that I haven't done absolutely everything I could to prepare my students for success
- I find hilarious (as a way of coping with despair) the possibility that 10% (or more, even) of my students will be returning to my class
- and best of all, the ~2.5 months I get off for summer break.
It's a lot going on in the coming weeks, but I wanted to take some time to reflect on the past year (well, the last 10 months, really). Here's a list of of things that have come to pass since June 2015:
- I completed a 5-week training program at Delta State University in Cleveland, Mississippi. In a word, the experience was surreal. And that's by the closest definition - not with positive or negative connotation, but strictly bizarre.
- I spent more time than ever with family that I typically never see. I stayed with them for a week of summer and we celebrated Easter together. After the school year ends, I also get to head down to celebrate my niece's graduation.
- I moved from San Jose, California (population 1 million) to Natchez, Mississippi (15k) so I could teach in Vidalia, Louisiana (4k).
- I went on spring break. As a teacher, it's different. You might end up gambling at Harrah's New Orleans with a teacher from DC who is also on spring break. & who is also going to Vegas the next day with his teacher friends, just like you are going with yours. And you might end up hitting it off and hanging out the next night, even.
- Then you might spend another 3 awesome days there, going to places you hadn't before and chopping it up with strangers.
- A student told me I was her favorite math teacher ever. I said it didn't count because she's only a freshman and had a lot of math classes to go, but inside I was still proud.
- I had a few students tell me that I was the first math teacher that bothered explaining the material to them - that made me real proud.
- A student (who is in his 2nd round of Algebra 1) wrote that he hadn't cared about math until he had me.
- I celebrated Mardi Gras in New Orleans with Daisy (and various friends) - we snagged a gazillion beads and souvenirs, went to some spots for bomb food, and had a heck of a few days together.
- I visited my brother in Washington, D.C. Went on some amazing tours and just soaked in the grand feeling of our nation's capital.
- Went to Baton Rouge a few times - spending a number of weekends eating, dancing, and gambling.
- Went canoeing in Texas (at Lake Caddo State Park, in particular).
- Moved in with 4 strangers, with whom I spend a great majority of my time in close proximity. We spend something along the lines of 15 hours every single day within 50 feet of each other. The sole reason we're apart is that we don't all work at the same school.
- Out of those 4, I got placed in a classroom next to one of them, Brett - we hang out 24/7. Since moving in to this house, we've probably spent 95%+ of the time within shouting distance of each other. To really sell the point: while living here, there is probably just one hour a day where I can't walk over and talk to the guy.
- I was told to go "back to Mongolia" by an ignorant college kid outside of a bar.
- Some students still insist that I'm Chinese. I honestly can't tell if they're joking or not. I'm pretty sure they are, but then again...
- When I said I was Asian, one of my students goes, "But I thought you were Vietnamese??" Bless her heart.
- Overheard some students arguing in homeroom - "Chinese? Japanese? Vietnamese? Ain't they all the same? They got all them -ese's." So I walked over and asked, "Ameri-CAN and Afri-CAN - are those the same?" and then the kids he was arguing with laughed at him.
- The staff at the casino (which is a 10-minute walk away, if that) recognize me and no longer ask for my ID.
- Speaking of staff at the casino - a student's mom works there, and we chat about once a week about how her daughter is doing in my class
- Although I've gotten used to it by now, when I stop to think about how far I've come from San Diego and San Jose, it's still a trip that the only Asians I encounter on a regular basis are the 2 in my homeroom. Everywhere else I go, I can count on being the only one. Besides Brett - he's half Indian, so there's that.
- I cook once a week - that's been an awesome and super underrated feature of living with roommates. We take turns cooking Sunday-Thursday and it works out pretty well (except for the duds, but we all have off days lol).
- I've had fried chicken much more than I used to - I'm not saying I make weekly trips or anything, but definitely having it more than I used to. That goes for fried food in general, at least when we go out.
So there you have it. I'm surprised by how non-school-centric that list is. I think that's just because that side of things doesn't make the highlight reel for me for a couple reasons - when I started off the school year, I was a shitty teacher. I still am, but slightly less so. I've had my moments of success, but they truly are just moments - most of the time, I am not doing a good or even mediocre job. I'm working on it, but I've heard a million times that the first few days count SO so much. Unfortunately, my first few days were pretty loose, and my classroom (zoo?) reflects that.
Besides the fact that things in my classroom haven't been pretty, the other reason I haven't written about it much is because of how mundane it is. Not that it's boring to me - just that it feels boring to share, I guess. I'm trying to get better by planning ahead of time, making the material understandable, having a better handle on my class, and a million other little things. None of those sound particularly interesting, but I realized that self-improvement never seems sexy. There's nothing inherently impressive about reminding myself that I should pace the room, take different disciplinary tactics, or that a class should have a point added or taken away based on their behavior. But they are things, and they're my things, which is really all that matters.
Fortunately, I'm still really into the profession. As much pressure as there's been, and as much as I've felt that I've done an awful job thus far, it's nothing compared to the gratification of seeing the moment of understanding, or when a child hands you a quiz that he/she knows is perfect and tells you that you "made [them] like this." Contrary to the students' popular belief - I don't really give a damn about math. I never liked it much as a student. Pretty much the only reason I rated math highly in my application is the need for math teachers. But if I can help students realize that a challenge isn't impossible, that even if something that seems like the worst thing in the world can be solved - then I've got that much, at least, and that's something I can come back to every day.
Here is the stat line from Tom Brady's 2nd career start: "he went 12-for-24 for 86 yards and lost two fumbles while the Patriots lost 30-10" (http://profootballtalk.nbcsports.com/2013/01/18/tom-brady-said-im-going-to-be-a-great-one-after-his-second-start/). Afterwards, though, he still said, "I kid you not, it’s not that hard. I’m going to be a great one." While I don't have the obsessive mindset or work ethic of the guy, I'm on the same level of confidence. I've got a long way to go, but I can honestly say I still feel like a million bucks about it. It was a shitty year, and I'm a shitty teacher. But the start isn't what matters - hardly at all, really. As long as I have the desire, I will always be able to improve my skills. With some luck I'll be building myself up over not just years, but even decades. If you can't tell, I'm real excited. I'll update you with test results in a few weeks, and I'll make sure to let you know how things go next year. Til next time, ✌️
