There are many ways being frugal helps me to live out my worldview. It's my stand against pillaging the planet. From a practical point, it makes it easier for me to manage my finances. It's an utter rejection of capitalism that urges extreme, oftentimes mindless consumption. & particularly relevant in the wake of George Floyd and Breonna Taylor's deaths, it's a form of social activism.
How so? Well in a time of extreme wealth inequality, the ways the rich get richer (and the poor get poorer) are these: our money is taken from us (in the forms of wage theft, wage stagnation, and other malfeasance) and our money is given away (in the form of literally any spending). The latter is what I'm writing about - when people give their money away by spending.
Let me backtrack and acknowledge that "giving away" money isn't a fair depiction. We spend money to get things in return. Where that term does apply, though, is when we spend on non-necessities (full disclosure: I spend on non-necessities. Just probably to a much, much, much lesser degree, lol). Of course there are necessities: housing, sustenance, transportation, and so on. By definition, everything beyond basic needs is just to enhance comfort. Now don't get smart with me talkin' 'bout therapy or some other thing that's life-saving. If it's life-saving, it's a basic need. Morning coffee to cure your crankiness? Extra. Particular brand for clout? Extra. Eating out 3x/week because you don't want to cook? Extra. I'm trying to be really clinical about this - I'm not calling you out saying you're a piece of shit. I'm just reminding you that, by definition, these things are extra.
How's this tie in to social activism? Well, when you spend in this manner (spending beyond the necessities), you are primarily lining the pockets of shareholders and executive boards. You are directly driving wealth inequality up and helping to maintain the status quo. Money is power - that's indisputable fact. So if you think about every dollar you have as constituting a little bit of your financial army, then you are giving up your financial power in exchange for comfort. I'll say that again - you are giving up power in the name of whatever comfort you're buying. You are propping up mega corporations. Along with that, you are propping up the systems of power that keep them in place by giving them more influence than they already have.
So, how can you change your spending habits to be a social activist? Well, cut it out. Whatever "it" refers to, to whatever degree you're comfortable with. After a month, you'll see - almost magically - a fatter bank account than you're used to. You could donate it to some social justice org, if it tickles your fancy. If not? Well shoot, just by letting your money sit in your bank account where it belongs as opposed to Jeff Bezos', then you've done something to take power back from Amazon (or Walmart, or whatever other faceless company that has been content to grow fat from American generosity).
Tuesday, June 2, 2020
Friday, April 17, 2020
Counting (Some of) My Blessings
Privilege is a funny thing. Every person reading this has some privilege. The privilege of the Internet. The privilege of time. The privilege of a roof over their heads and regular meals. Some have more than others, but denying it is akin to denying your height or your looks. They are just features you have, so denying them is just silly and pointless. Denying privilege is honestly just an ego boost. There may be differing levels of "getting it out the mud" or being "self made," but everyone who has any privilege has something to be grateful for. A fortuitous relationship (meeting the right person), an unwarranted 2nd chance, a coincidental life event (taking a life-changing course, or hearing perfectly timed advice), and so on and so forth. That being said, I thought it would be a mindful exercise to quantify at least some of my privileges in my adult life (18+). I've seen others post photos or little blurbs of gratitude in these quarantine times, so I thought I'd give it a stab.
Without meaning to, I've also realized where my generous orientation to social programs comes from. I didn't do anything except to fall into some really lucky circumstances. Why would I deny others the opportunities that I lucked into?
"But wELfAre QuEEns!1!" Alright, look here, dumbass. It's just a matter of math (and one that I honestly can't find numbers for. So, I am admittedly going out on a limb here). For every shady ass person that defrauds the system, I would be happy if 4+ people were able to leverage the system and experience some upward mobility. If we're being honest, plenty of Viets have made good, honest use of government assistance... along with a significant number who have cheated. I got 5 siblings who are all contributing members of society, and I'm (pretty) sure every single one of us received financial aid at some point or other. If not from the gov, then from living rent-free or low-rent with our parents. So... yeah. I firmly believe in government assistance.
Didn't mean to rant, but I definitely have a habit of it. Anyways, I promise I'm really grateful :). I hope this inspires you to take a sincere accounting (numerically or not) of your blessings/privilege! If you take the time to really think about it, I'm sure you can come up with a decent list. Thanks for reading - now go write :P.
- 4 years of tuition at UCSD ~40k+ (poor people grant - my tuition was covered with grants for all 4 years)
- Minivan for a couple years/my current RAV4 ~10k
- Carpooling in Louisiana for 2 years ~2k (how many of y'all knew this? Shoutout my mans Brett Orren)
- Under-market room & board with my parents for 4 years ~15k
My sister advised me to stay home & save for as long as I could. Though I planned to move out last year, things took a different turn and I've been living at home 'til now ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Without meaning to, I've also realized where my generous orientation to social programs comes from. I didn't do anything except to fall into some really lucky circumstances. Why would I deny others the opportunities that I lucked into?
"But wELfAre QuEEns!1!" Alright, look here, dumbass. It's just a matter of math (and one that I honestly can't find numbers for. So, I am admittedly going out on a limb here). For every shady ass person that defrauds the system, I would be happy if 4+ people were able to leverage the system and experience some upward mobility. If we're being honest, plenty of Viets have made good, honest use of government assistance... along with a significant number who have cheated. I got 5 siblings who are all contributing members of society, and I'm (pretty) sure every single one of us received financial aid at some point or other. If not from the gov, then from living rent-free or low-rent with our parents. So... yeah. I firmly believe in government assistance.
Didn't mean to rant, but I definitely have a habit of it. Anyways, I promise I'm really grateful :). I hope this inspires you to take a sincere accounting (numerically or not) of your blessings/privilege! If you take the time to really think about it, I'm sure you can come up with a decent list. Thanks for reading - now go write :P.
Monday, April 6, 2020
What Is Faith In the Face of Coronavirus?
In these wild times, and from various religious perspectives I've seen on social media, I thought I would take the opportunity to reflect on faith. In a pretty timely manner, I also came across an interesting idea which ties in to this topic: the Stockdale Paradox (named after Navy vice admiral James Stockdale, who was a POW in Vietnam for 7 years). Basically, he framed the idea that faith cannot be blind. What's that mean in the face of the Coronavirus?
Well, the blind faith I've seen from people looks something like this:
"Oh, that's easy, the optimists. Oh, they were the ones who said, 'We're going to be out by Christmas.' And Christmas would come, and Christmas would go. Then they'd say, 'We're going to be out by Easter.' And Easter would come, and Easter would go. And then Thanksgiving, and then it would be Christmas again. And they died of a broken heart" Again, this dude made it through 7+ YEARS of war imprisonment. I'm not talking about sitting there picking your ass of boredom - dude was tortured, had his leg broken twice, and injured himself in various ways as to not be used as a propaganda tool or give up information. I think it's exceedingly fair to give him a large dose of credit on the level of faith it takes to survive a harrowing ordeal. So what's this have to do with our current predicament?
Well, do his words ring a bell? Something about the country opening for Easter, with no reasoning provided except that it happens to be a religious holiday? How foolish of people. Instead of this (extremely dumb) take, what might appropriate faith look like if we were to take our lessons from this certified badass?
Well, the blind faith I've seen from people looks something like this:
- We must put our faith in God so he can deliver us
- The country will reopen in time for Easter, so that we can give glory to God
- God will take care of Coronavirus - we just need to believe
- The Coronavirus will be cured when we've offered up enough prayers (akin to "100,000 comments and Jesus will cure muh cancer!")
"Oh, that's easy, the optimists. Oh, they were the ones who said, 'We're going to be out by Christmas.' And Christmas would come, and Christmas would go. Then they'd say, 'We're going to be out by Easter.' And Easter would come, and Easter would go. And then Thanksgiving, and then it would be Christmas again. And they died of a broken heart" Again, this dude made it through 7+ YEARS of war imprisonment. I'm not talking about sitting there picking your ass of boredom - dude was tortured, had his leg broken twice, and injured himself in various ways as to not be used as a propaganda tool or give up information. I think it's exceedingly fair to give him a large dose of credit on the level of faith it takes to survive a harrowing ordeal. So what's this have to do with our current predicament?
Well, do his words ring a bell? Something about the country opening for Easter, with no reasoning provided except that it happens to be a religious holiday? How foolish of people. Instead of this (extremely dumb) take, what might appropriate faith look like if we were to take our lessons from this certified badass?
- We must put our faith in God so he can deliver us
- let us follow the advice of the medical professionals He created and adhere to social distancing and good hygiene.
- The country will reopen in time for Easter, so that we can give glory to God
- This definitely isn't happening. We will celebrate Easter when the medical and science experts (that GOD HIMSELF created) give us the okay
- God will take care of Coronavirus - we just need to believe
- "we just need to believe..." IN THE MEDICAL AND SCIENTIFIC PROFESSIONALS THAT GOD MOLDED IN HIS OWN IMAGE
- The Coronavirus will be cured when we've offered up enough prayers (akin to "100,000 comments and Jesus will cure muh cancer!")
- NO YOU DUMBASS, OTHERWISE CANCER/CHILD MOLESTATION/RAPE WOULD ALL BE CURED BY NOW
Sunday, March 29, 2020
Why Medicare for All Makes Sense
I believe in Medicare for All so firmly that I wanted to elaborate to (hopefully) make it obvious why Medicare for All is a yuge policy you should get behind (notice I haven't said jack about Bernie Sanders - I definitely back him for president, but I also find it strange the fandom that surrounds politicians. I don't want to treat the man with the same devotion of Trump supporters). Anyways, let's start off by laying out a few points:
Aside from that, there's this theoretical aspect of Medicare for All that just makes sense. As currently structured, everyone who urgently needs it gets medical care - at the emergency room. We're talking heart attacks, strokes, severe wounds, etc. etc. Are these procedures more or less expensive than regular visits to the doctors/preventive care? DEFINITELY more expensive (an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure, the emergency room being the pound of cure).
So let's compare this to eating out in a group where everyone has agreed to split the check evenly. Social etiquette dictates you order something "reasonable" - you don't wanna be the asshole that ordered surf and turf while the neighbors to your left and right got spaghetti with meatballs and grilled chicken over rice, respectively. If you DON'T want to pay for your neighbors' meals (emergency room care), then don't eat with them. If that's the case, you have to be willing to admit that people can (and should) die for being poor. If you think there's some middle ground on this - there is not. Either people get emergency medical care or they don't. There are no half measures when someone is on the brink of death - doctors try to save lives, or they don't.
If doctors are bound to save lives, then what that means is you don't get to choose not to eat with your neighbors. Society has already dictated that we take care of each other at that level. So what follows? Well, Medicare for All mandates that everyone gets preventive care, so we aren't collectively on the hook for so many of these ultra-expensive, life-saving procedures. So if you aren't with it already, get with the fucking program. The numbers work out. You can feel good about yourself by knowing you are taking care of your neighbor ... WHILE saving money!! AND you can appreciate the fact that your neighbor got you as well!
- It'd cost us anywhere from $30-40 TRILLION over the next decade
- From this column: "The federal government estimates that national healthcare spending will total about $48 trillion over the next 10 years as costs keep going up."As in, we were planning on spending $48 trillion already - so really, the estimates of $30-40 trillion represent a steep discount.
- We'd be paying for others' health insurance under a Medicare for All system.
- Do you have friends? Sometimes you chip in a bit extra to be more inclusive and it is what it is.
- Immigrants without legal status would benefit
- Do you have basic empathy? This is honestly the health care version of the "leave a penny" tray at 7-11 or another convenience stores. Don't be a selfish prick.
Aside from that, there's this theoretical aspect of Medicare for All that just makes sense. As currently structured, everyone who urgently needs it gets medical care - at the emergency room. We're talking heart attacks, strokes, severe wounds, etc. etc. Are these procedures more or less expensive than regular visits to the doctors/preventive care? DEFINITELY more expensive (an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure, the emergency room being the pound of cure).
So let's compare this to eating out in a group where everyone has agreed to split the check evenly. Social etiquette dictates you order something "reasonable" - you don't wanna be the asshole that ordered surf and turf while the neighbors to your left and right got spaghetti with meatballs and grilled chicken over rice, respectively. If you DON'T want to pay for your neighbors' meals (emergency room care), then don't eat with them. If that's the case, you have to be willing to admit that people can (and should) die for being poor. If you think there's some middle ground on this - there is not. Either people get emergency medical care or they don't. There are no half measures when someone is on the brink of death - doctors try to save lives, or they don't.
If doctors are bound to save lives, then what that means is you don't get to choose not to eat with your neighbors. Society has already dictated that we take care of each other at that level. So what follows? Well, Medicare for All mandates that everyone gets preventive care, so we aren't collectively on the hook for so many of these ultra-expensive, life-saving procedures. So if you aren't with it already, get with the fucking program. The numbers work out. You can feel good about yourself by knowing you are taking care of your neighbor ... WHILE saving money!! AND you can appreciate the fact that your neighbor got you as well!
Monday, December 23, 2019
Why Donald Trump?
I think the scary thing about the upcoming presidential elections is how unclear it is to many people. I think it's reasonable, considering the stereotype that most (all?) politicians do the damnedest thing: make promises they don't (or can't?) keep. The strangest thing is when a politician comes up for re-election. You would think the performance evaluation is easy: did they do what they said they were going to? If not, are they making progress I am happy with? Lastly - who could I replace them with?
With regards to the president, I was told he was going to lock Hillary up. Well... that hasn't happened. I was also under the impression that he was going to build a wall and have Mexico pay for it. Still waiting on that as well...
I don't want to be such a Debbie Downer, so let's look at some of those good things that have happened in the past few years. The unemployment rate is super low and the economy is crushing it. I feel like, but am not sure, that this is "just some line." As in, something that people say because it's true and everyone is supposed to think it is a good thing. As someone who thinks that there are many jobs that only exist because they are (currently) cheaper than automation, though, the unemployment rate doesn't really mean much to me. In 2019 I think it's a damn shame that, for example, cashiers, servers, and janitors are a thing. You're telling me we can't, in order, craft our orders, pick up our food, and pick up after ourselves? I'm not denying reality - I know people (especially when we get in big groups) are just... messy. We aren't very good at picking up after ourselves. And if you've ever needed any proof... just survey the scene after any concert, festival, or large group event. It's basically always a disgusting mess. So I'm not going to treat the fact that everyone has a job like it's some momentous achievement. The number of people that have jobs is, to me, a dumbass way to measure a country. Why isn't it assumed that everyone should have a job? It's like counting the number of high school graduates. Really? You couldn't get over this extremely low bar constructed by society? Well... bravo (not really).
As for the economy? Well, it's largely a function of time. As in, progress is inevitable, so whether under one president or another, the economy will (generally) go up. Let's say you disagree and that the president holds quite a bit of sway over the economy. I will concede that point. My follow up is - who does a booming economy serve? Leveraging the stock market is a distinctly privileged activity. Apparently, ~38 million people in America are poor. Are their investments gaining steam? Also, does it even matter considering any amount invested is bound to be negligible? Let's say one were to sock away $100/month (& considering Market Watch says that 44 percent of Americans have expenses exceeding income, this may be a generous figure). Over the course of 30 years, assuming a 7% annual growth, you'll have a nest egg around $116,000. Which isn't gonna last for very long. So we have this instrument (the economy/stock market) that doesn't serve those who need it the most (the poor) and really just helps those who are ahead (the wealthy) to stay that way (by getting even richer). So...remind me why I should care about "the economy," please?
This is even before we think about the economy and how much it contributes to the fact that we are laying waste to the environment. There are billions in goods that are made in sweatshops in foreign countries that just end up in landfills - why the hell would we be happy about that? It's a cost against the planet and humanity that the rest of us have to pay without even benefiting from. What on earth??
The crazy thing is I haven't even mentioned the president himself, in terms of character/behavior. I'm just looking at promises made (and broken) as well as why his "wins" don't even count for much (with me, at least). So for those who love the man and ask others to pray for him and CONSTANTLY FEEL THE NEED to connect him to President Obama (who I literally have not mentioned until now and am DEFINITELY not a fan of his policies) - my only question is: why?
With regards to the president, I was told he was going to lock Hillary up. Well... that hasn't happened. I was also under the impression that he was going to build a wall and have Mexico pay for it. Still waiting on that as well...
I don't want to be such a Debbie Downer, so let's look at some of those good things that have happened in the past few years. The unemployment rate is super low and the economy is crushing it. I feel like, but am not sure, that this is "just some line." As in, something that people say because it's true and everyone is supposed to think it is a good thing. As someone who thinks that there are many jobs that only exist because they are (currently) cheaper than automation, though, the unemployment rate doesn't really mean much to me. In 2019 I think it's a damn shame that, for example, cashiers, servers, and janitors are a thing. You're telling me we can't, in order, craft our orders, pick up our food, and pick up after ourselves? I'm not denying reality - I know people (especially when we get in big groups) are just... messy. We aren't very good at picking up after ourselves. And if you've ever needed any proof... just survey the scene after any concert, festival, or large group event. It's basically always a disgusting mess. So I'm not going to treat the fact that everyone has a job like it's some momentous achievement. The number of people that have jobs is, to me, a dumbass way to measure a country. Why isn't it assumed that everyone should have a job? It's like counting the number of high school graduates. Really? You couldn't get over this extremely low bar constructed by society? Well... bravo (not really).
As for the economy? Well, it's largely a function of time. As in, progress is inevitable, so whether under one president or another, the economy will (generally) go up. Let's say you disagree and that the president holds quite a bit of sway over the economy. I will concede that point. My follow up is - who does a booming economy serve? Leveraging the stock market is a distinctly privileged activity. Apparently, ~38 million people in America are poor. Are their investments gaining steam? Also, does it even matter considering any amount invested is bound to be negligible? Let's say one were to sock away $100/month (& considering Market Watch says that 44 percent of Americans have expenses exceeding income, this may be a generous figure). Over the course of 30 years, assuming a 7% annual growth, you'll have a nest egg around $116,000. Which isn't gonna last for very long. So we have this instrument (the economy/stock market) that doesn't serve those who need it the most (the poor) and really just helps those who are ahead (the wealthy) to stay that way (by getting even richer). So...remind me why I should care about "the economy," please?
This is even before we think about the economy and how much it contributes to the fact that we are laying waste to the environment. There are billions in goods that are made in sweatshops in foreign countries that just end up in landfills - why the hell would we be happy about that? It's a cost against the planet and humanity that the rest of us have to pay without even benefiting from. What on earth??
The crazy thing is I haven't even mentioned the president himself, in terms of character/behavior. I'm just looking at promises made (and broken) as well as why his "wins" don't even count for much (with me, at least). So for those who love the man and ask others to pray for him and CONSTANTLY FEEL THE NEED to connect him to President Obama (who I literally have not mentioned until now and am DEFINITELY not a fan of his policies) - my only question is: why?
Thursday, December 19, 2019
Backwards Planning Society
One of the ways teachers figure out what and/or how to teach is called backward planning or backward design. The gist is to set a goal first - graph quadratic functions, explain 3 or more causes that led to the fall of Rome, you get the gist. That way, you can structure the lesson more intentionally (by leaving out details that might be considered minor or making a checklist of the things you need to include). I used to adhere to this practice a lot more than I currently do (shoutout to my former roommates for being willing to get together to figure out a curriculum on the weekends), but I still recognize its importance and practical use outside of teaching. In today's case, I will lay out my vision for American society. After all, if change is inevitable, don't we owe it to democracy to choose the future we want to build? (Yes - the answer is definitely yes)
I don't intend for this post to be political - I think too many folks identify too strongly with one party or the other, so I just plan on writing out ideas. If you can't get behind the ideas, you may be some or all of these:
These ideas are just part of my vision for American society. I underestimated just how much I had to say, but I definitely put out some ideas I think are really important - I've got plenty more, I'll just add them in another post. In any case, I know I might come across as entirely too optimistic, but I'd like to challenge that - could you at least entertain the notion that things in the country are in desperate need of revamping/advancing?
I don't intend for this post to be political - I think too many folks identify too strongly with one party or the other, so I just plan on writing out ideas. If you can't get behind the ideas, you may be some or all of these:
- Too cynical/pessimistic
- Uninformed or misinformed
- Not very imaginative
- Everyone gets to see the doctor when they need to
- Need doesn't mean the ER - I'd much rather we offer health services at the preventive stage because an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure (which, in theory, might reduce healthcare expenditures by 93.75% [16 oz = 1lb so 1/16 is 6.25%], lol)
- Reduce the work week to 30 hours/week
- The 40-hour work week has been in place since 1940. You mean to tell me after damn near 80 years of technological improvements we haven't improved efficiency by 25%? We definitely have, but the labor movement hasn't caught up to taking advantage of that improved efficiency by calling for less hours.
- Those who don't work (for whatever reason) should still be entitled to: basic lodging and sustenance
- No one likes a freeloader, but y'know what? I'd rather society churn out a small number of freeloaders (and take care of those who can't work) than to turn the misguided, desperate, or just plain bored into criminals (because newsflash: that's what's happening!!).
- Basic lodging can be defined as high density housing with communal spaces (think dorm accommodations with double/triple occupancy per room, several rooms per hall, and shared common spaces)
- The IRS is fully funded and offers better service (as in, actually telling us how much we owe instead of making us pay to figure it out. How tf that makes sense to anybody is honestly beyond me)
- How the hell can we (the royal we) pay for things if we:
- 1) have to PAY someone else just to find out how much we owe,
- 2) don't go after cases of tax fraud, and
- 3) don't sufficiently inform the populace
- The Consumer Financial Protection Bureau is fully funded
- How the hell can we protect ourselves against financial shenanigans? Most of us don't have the resources to pursue any type of legal protection on an individual basis. The solution? We pool resources to create an entity (with teeth) that clamps down on shady financial practices
- Essentially, this would be a transparent version of the Better Business Bureau that has the ability to (meaningfully) punish
- The military isn't overfunded
- It's 2019 and the Military Industrial Complex is a thing. It's an engine of death, profiteering, and environmental collapse. I believe in funding the military - I just think our view has been skewed by decades of overspending and fearmongering. I relate it to being morbidly obese for a few decades - just because you got used to it doesn't make it healthy.
- Profits for certain industries are capped (potentially even eliminated?)
- Take insurance, for example. The idea behind an insurance company is simple: everyone has accidents, and it would suck for dumb luck to ruin your life. The solution? Well if everyone pools their money together, they can look out for each other and mitigate that. Sounds simple and benign enough: a communal pot that prevents financial ruin for any one member of society. The issue? Well, when you scale up to have millions of customers, this simple plan requires administrators and other paper pushers - inspectors, adjusters, etc. etc. So not only do you need enough money to cover all the accidents, but then you gotta account for funding all the people required to make the thing go - that's fine, they're doing work for the group at large, they should make enough to get by, right? Well... I would argue $40 million across 5 people is a tad overboard. I mean, I view companies the same way I view machines - if you build it well, it sustains itself (or at least endures for a long time). You're asking me to believe that these big wigs are providing $40 million+ in value (because it doesn't make sense to pay someone more than they are worth) and that no one else could run it for cheaper. Which, I hate to say, I just don't believe ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ . This is where you can chime in and enlighten me on the value of executives, I guess.
These ideas are just part of my vision for American society. I underestimated just how much I had to say, but I definitely put out some ideas I think are really important - I've got plenty more, I'll just add them in another post. In any case, I know I might come across as entirely too optimistic, but I'd like to challenge that - could you at least entertain the notion that things in the country are in desperate need of revamping/advancing?
Tuesday, November 19, 2019
(Academic) Responsibility of Immigrants' Children
I started writing this 6 months ago like this:
"I had a meeting with a student & her mom today (May 6, 2019) and want to write about it while the meeting's fresh in my head. The part that sticks out to me is near the end of our meeting, when the mom asks why her daughter is bad at math. She goes on to add that she has paid for Kumon from 2nd-8th grade, and now is paying for a tutor at $30/hr for a couple hours a week.
It got me thinking"
... and then I never finished writing :(.
Anyway, what's driving me to come back to this topic is a meeting I had with someone's dad yesterday (Nov 18, '19). He came in maybe 20-30 minutes after school and asked why his son was doing so poorly. His POV can be summed up as: where I come from, teens are either working full-time or working on top of getting their education. My kid just has to focus on school - I cook for him, I make sure he has nice things - so why isn't he doing well?
In hindsight, I guess I could have posited that there's a line between spoiling and providing for a child, but at the time, I just felt one part awkward and four parts terrible. Here's the stereotypical immigrant parent - left their home country for a better life, working hard at a (likely crummy) job for their kid to have better opportunities. & he came, in part, griping about how easy his kid has it. A kid who, at least on the surface, doesn't appreciate the sacrifice (at least, not enough to tangibly do anything about it).
So my deal is...what is the responsibility of the kid in this situation? Nobody asks to be born, and we certainly don't get our choice of parents. But is it too much to ask of a kid to respect the sacrifice of their parents and ...get a high school diploma, maybe a degree? Especially when, at the end of the day, those things benefit the child more than they benefit the parents.
Obviously I feel some type of way about it, considering my siblings and I all got degrees. Am I speaking from a place of privilege? I don't think so... how much privilege did we have, compared to our fellow children of immigrants? A stable home situation, sure, but plenty of (failing) kids have that. Our parents didn't have the cultural/institutional knowledge to help much when it came to college. Definitely no or not much extra money to speak of. So what's the deal...?
I don't want to come off as morally superior or anything like that - I'll be the first to tell you my work ethic is sketchy. At the end of the day, though, I still took care of business in school. & the weird thing is - while I definitely remember my parents reminding me of things I grew up with here that they didn't have - I don't actually remember thinking "I need to succeed to make my parents proud," or "My parents didn't leave Vietnam just so I could be a screw-up," or anything like that. In fact, I feel incredibly selfish when I think about my higher education and even my profession - I didn't keep my parents in mind when I picked what I wanted to study or what I wanted to do. I just thought of myself - the major I found interesting, the grades I considered acceptable, and the job I wanted to do for the rest of my life.
After the conversation we shared, I felt a sense of profound empathy for the dad. Not as a parent that ever had to sacrifice (obviously), but as a son that saw his own dad in this conversation. & for my student, I just felt conflicted, mostly. I don't want to be accusatory, but I do wonder what the deal is with kids when they don't hold up their end of the deal, as it were. I also find it hard to relate - I might be lazy, but I've always achieved according to the standards I've had for myself. It just makes me wonder... how the heck could these kids have such low standards for themselves?
So, what's this all come down to? Is it on parents for not being harder on their kids? When do kids reach the point where they own their educational experience? How many years will it take before I craft a satisfying answer to this question?? How responsible am I in getting kids to see the sacrifices their parents make?!? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
"I had a meeting with a student & her mom today (May 6, 2019) and want to write about it while the meeting's fresh in my head. The part that sticks out to me is near the end of our meeting, when the mom asks why her daughter is bad at math. She goes on to add that she has paid for Kumon from 2nd-8th grade, and now is paying for a tutor at $30/hr for a couple hours a week.
It got me thinking"
... and then I never finished writing :(.
Anyway, what's driving me to come back to this topic is a meeting I had with someone's dad yesterday (Nov 18, '19). He came in maybe 20-30 minutes after school and asked why his son was doing so poorly. His POV can be summed up as: where I come from, teens are either working full-time or working on top of getting their education. My kid just has to focus on school - I cook for him, I make sure he has nice things - so why isn't he doing well?
In hindsight, I guess I could have posited that there's a line between spoiling and providing for a child, but at the time, I just felt one part awkward and four parts terrible. Here's the stereotypical immigrant parent - left their home country for a better life, working hard at a (likely crummy) job for their kid to have better opportunities. & he came, in part, griping about how easy his kid has it. A kid who, at least on the surface, doesn't appreciate the sacrifice (at least, not enough to tangibly do anything about it).
So my deal is...what is the responsibility of the kid in this situation? Nobody asks to be born, and we certainly don't get our choice of parents. But is it too much to ask of a kid to respect the sacrifice of their parents and ...get a high school diploma, maybe a degree? Especially when, at the end of the day, those things benefit the child more than they benefit the parents.
Obviously I feel some type of way about it, considering my siblings and I all got degrees. Am I speaking from a place of privilege? I don't think so... how much privilege did we have, compared to our fellow children of immigrants? A stable home situation, sure, but plenty of (failing) kids have that. Our parents didn't have the cultural/institutional knowledge to help much when it came to college. Definitely no or not much extra money to speak of. So what's the deal...?
I don't want to come off as morally superior or anything like that - I'll be the first to tell you my work ethic is sketchy. At the end of the day, though, I still took care of business in school. & the weird thing is - while I definitely remember my parents reminding me of things I grew up with here that they didn't have - I don't actually remember thinking "I need to succeed to make my parents proud," or "My parents didn't leave Vietnam just so I could be a screw-up," or anything like that. In fact, I feel incredibly selfish when I think about my higher education and even my profession - I didn't keep my parents in mind when I picked what I wanted to study or what I wanted to do. I just thought of myself - the major I found interesting, the grades I considered acceptable, and the job I wanted to do for the rest of my life.
After the conversation we shared, I felt a sense of profound empathy for the dad. Not as a parent that ever had to sacrifice (obviously), but as a son that saw his own dad in this conversation. & for my student, I just felt conflicted, mostly. I don't want to be accusatory, but I do wonder what the deal is with kids when they don't hold up their end of the deal, as it were. I also find it hard to relate - I might be lazy, but I've always achieved according to the standards I've had for myself. It just makes me wonder... how the heck could these kids have such low standards for themselves?
So, what's this all come down to? Is it on parents for not being harder on their kids? When do kids reach the point where they own their educational experience? How many years will it take before I craft a satisfying answer to this question?? How responsible am I in getting kids to see the sacrifices their parents make?!? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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