How to: Engage With a Racist/Misogynist/Homophobe

     Something I've noticed with the polarizing effect of the Presidency and politics is a prevalence of people disconnecting from others when there are disagreements. Things like "If you think x is okay, I don't wanna be friends" - you know what I'm referring to. Instances of this that I've seen on my feed or heard about in person have gone like this:

• "I don't have the energy to educate you about insert topic here, bye Felicia"
• "Since the election, people have really shown their true colors and made it easy to unfriend/unfollow"
• "We found out Bob doesn't like lesbians, so we don't hang out with him anymore."

     I don't really get that, though. If you react in any of those ways, you recognize that there is something you want to change. Whether it's because of your tiredness or frustration, you just give up. So you've turned any possibility of change to 0%. 

     Not only that, but I think there's a serious lack of perspective when you want to quit. You gotta remember - first impressions and long-held beliefs are tough nuts to crack, and nearly impossible if you engage in some form of argument. I'm pretty certain hostility and confrontation causes us to hold even tighter onto our beliefs. So what's the appropriate way to engage?

     Sounds boring, but I think the answer is pretty simple. Eat, drink, shoot the breeze. Be open and understanding. Listen to another perspective. Over time, they'll come around - but not without nudging. Quitting on someone, though*? That's definitely not the way - you've either robbed someone of your perspective or successfully gave that person reason to dismiss your position.

     If you think it is an unwarranted burden** that you must be the one to explain, or coax, or whatever - I hate to say it, but you could be complicit in the perpetuation of whatever issue it is you want to support. In the words of Dr. King, only love can drive out hate. Not shouting down ignorant folks, or pushing them away. Love.

If you don't think this is a very good idea, I think this (short) article would be a great read for you: Guy befriends and converts 200+ Klansmen

*Don't get me wrong - I know there are plenty of folks who are absolutely intractable. You can sort out the people to invest your time in, I'm sure.

**Also, burdensome as it may feel, we are always representative of the groups we are a part of. You might not like it, but it's a fact that you have contributed, in ways big and small, to thousands of others' ideas of what it's like to be you, whether you're gay/straight, yellow/white/black/brown, etc. etc. So wear it proudly and represent your groups well.